Desperados isn’t so much funny as it is an excruciatingly painful comedy.

Basic Synopsis: Instead of recommending a healthy, new relationship with a therapist, two friends keep enabling their delusional friend Wesley by going with her to Cabo to delete an angry, drunken e-mail they sent to the “perfect” guy she just started dating.

Brief Thoughts: I’m having trouble understanding why the rom-coms I’ve been watching lately have been coming right out of the gate on a hobbled foot having crippled themselves with unlikeable characters. At least with The Lovebirds we were seeing unhappy people behaving at their worst because of the dying relationship, as opposed to them just being insufferable at the core of who they are. As the story unfolds, we discover what they have to offer. But with Desperados, Wesley never really gets the chance to show a side of herself that makes her worthy of the people willing to put up with her. She’s obnoxious and superficial, and though the film hints at the idea that her psychotic behavior stems from the fear of watching everyone around her grow up and move forward in their lives while she watches from the starting gate, it never explores her desperation to catch up in a way that causes the audience to willingly excuse her behavior. I didn’t even want to sympathize with her, let alone cheer for her eventual happiness.

Favorite Line: “I will remember this betrayal when I pick your bridesmaids dresses.” This was one of the few times Desperados got a laugh out of me.

Quick Questions:

• How proud was the set decorator of themselves when they decided to give Jared the room number 69? Probably about as self-congratulatory as the person who came up with the frisky dolphin scene.
• Do none of these women care that they’re probably going to get this hotel worker fired?

Biggest Complaint: As excited as I was to see Nasim Pedrad and Lamorne Morris reunited post New Girl, it makes zero sense that his character would voluntarily, repeatedly spend any amount of time with Wesley. I know he has some issues to work through as well, but aim higher, dude!

Final Thoughts: I’d be lying if I said I didn’t break out the alcohol when I checked on the runtime and saw that I somehow still had 40 minutes of agony left. Unfortunately it didn’t do much to assuage my disdain for these obnoxious characters and even dumber storylines of Desperados.

So what’d you think of Netflix’s Desperados? Be sure to let me know in the comments below or over on twitter, where you can find me at BewareOfTrees.