Rental Review: Aquaman

In an attempt to get me back to seeing more films and writing more content for the site (and a hard push from Zac), I’ll be writing up recent rental releases. Starting with Aquaman!

First Things First: Who thought it was a good idea to have complete silence as the DC Films intro played? I don’t like it! …Then again, based on some of the song choices later on maybe it’s best to avoid music whenever possible.

Basic Synopsis: The most under appreciated core member of the Justice League goes on a quest to find the one trident to rule them all, including his troublemaking younger brother.

Now Wait A Minute: If Aquaman’s parents met in ‘85 then he’s somewhere around 33 in the “present day” of the film’s release. Which means his younger brother is prob 30 or 31. Is this film really trying to tell me that Patrick Wilson and I are the same age? He’s an attractive man and all, but come on now.

Brief Thoughts: Aquaman has a lot of stuff going for it, unfortunately most of it is looks and not substance. I’m not lying when I say I had to watch the film a second time just to remember what actually happened in the first hour because it doesn’t really get going til the fight in the Ring of Fire. As much as I want to say #NotMyRingOfFire in loyalty to Finding Nemo, this fight scene is actually really great. The choreography is well thought out in terms of the environment and how Atlanteans move through water, and honestly I really enjoyed the camera work in this and pretty much any action sequence in the film, no matter the scale of it. It could be a fight in the living room of a lighthouse, or a fight that spans the breadth of Sicily, James Wan found a flow to action that is impossible not to appreciate.

Now if only he could figure out better transitions between scenes. I don’t think a conversational scene ever ended without being suddenly t-boned by violence.

Does the Dog Survive This Film?: I’m going to let you use your best judgment as to whether a dog that is a puppy in 1985 is still alive and kicking in 2018. My head says no, but my heart says “screw you brain that dog is the best dog and can do anything he sets his mind to including living over double of his expected lifespan!”

Best Supporting Actor: I’m only being slightly sarcastic when I say that that puppy is the best scene partner Nicole Kidman has ever had.

Randomly Awesome Quote: Biker Dude: “You that Fishboy from the TV?” Aquaman: “It’s Fishman.” Based on my brief synopsis you probably deduced that I’m someone who actually thinks Aquaman is a pretty cool superhero who does way more than “talk” to fish. That said, I still appreciate the film poking fun at its title character.

My Biggest Complaints: I already mentioned my dislike of the music selections for a lot of the scenes (lookin’ at you, Black Manta builds his suit scene!), but my biggest complaint has to be the design of the Atlantean foot soldier armor. It just looks like a bulky, bulbous form of plastic that doesn’t look streamlined for combat at all, far from the much cooler Ancient Greece inspired armor that some of the highborn wear. Now that’s a look I can get behind. Not something that looks like it was inspired by a crustacean mixed with General Mayhem from The Lego Movie 2.

And while we’re on the topic of costumes, I know complaining about women in action films wearing heels is old hat, but please explain to me why someone who swims for 99% of her existence is wearing them. I know flippers would just be silly, but someone who can literally swim an inch higher if they really want to be taller than someone doesn’t need wedges!

Follow Up to a Follow Up: If Aquaman can go from a blonde white dude to Jason Momoa then surely they could’ve given Mera a more natural shade of red hair. It looks fine when it’s wet, but out in the sun… That’s a Disney mermaid shade of red that should’ve been left on the comic pages and not brought to the big screen.

Quick Question (spoilers if you haven’t seen any promotional material for this film, including some posters): Is this a Flash’s ring situation where Aquaman’s orange and green suit comes out of the trident?

Final Thoughts: As much as I really wanted Aquaman to break the losing streak, it fails to change the fact that I haven’t really liked a DC film since Man of Steel. Fingers crossed for Shazam I guess!


So what did you think of Aquaman? Were you pleasantly surprised by this DC film? Or were you left disappointed like I was? Let me know in the comments below!

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