I am shocked not one of my family members on Goodreads has asked me what the hell Tusk Love is after seeing it as my current read. Guess I’ll just keep my “smutty Critterature” pun to myself…

First Things First: For those who don’t know (i.e. the family I expected to ask me about this, as well as other non-Critters), Tusk Love is a beloved romance novel passed around by the characters within the second campaign of Critical Role (a narrative driven improv show in which a bunch of nerdy ass voice actors sit around and play Dungeons & Dragons). In other words, it was a fake book that has now been made very real. 

(Fear not! No knowledge of Critical Role is required to enjoy it.) 

Second Things Second: Even fully knowing the genre, the first mention of an erection caught me as off guard as a trench coat flasher. In all fairness to myself, I wasn’t sure of the vibes of the book: if it was going all in or if it would be more along the lines of the very tame Legends & Lattes. Plus it was a very unexpected moment well outside any sexy times! Long story short, yes, there is smut in this romance novel. Shocked Pikachu is very shocked.

Brief Thoughts: You don’t have to be a bodice ripper enthusiast to recognize that Tusk Love sets up its Point A to Point B adventure across Wildemount with some romance genre classics: a privileged, naive 20-year-old girl who is about to have her bright eyes opened to the realities of the world she has been protected from while being shaped by (or burdened with) familial expectations (and guilt) to ensure a life of comfort through advantageous marriage, and an extremely buff— I mean gruff!— a rather gruff half-orc savior who has doomed any hope for consideration as a serious, potential prospect by so rudely being born so far beneath her station.

A Favorite Highlighted Quote: “He scowled at her, and it felt like self-defense.”

Brief Thoughts (Cont.): Ok, so Oskar is actually about 10% gruff and 90% squishy, compassionate heart that likes to cosplay as dour, at least when it comes to such an earnest girl who surprises with a level of gumption that matches her undeniable, magnetic beauty. I have no proof of it, but I’m pretty sure her etiquette training also included the cheat code to unlock the ability to spam-cast the spell Charm Person with everyone she meets. 

Another Favorite Highlighted Quote:
“That wasn’t going to work on him this time. He would harden his heart, by the gods.
Her bottom lip wobbled.
Fuck.”

Brief Thoughts (Cont. One More Time): Or maybe her charm has all to do with the wildfire spirit living inside her. That’s right, break out your Critical Role bingo card, we’ve got a surprise secret passenger!

Biggest Complaint: Tusk Love definitely has the romance covered when it comes to romantasy — though there was not one mention of a “heaving bosom,” which I was led to believe was the Wilhelm Scream of the romance genre — but I’ll admit that I wanted a bit more of the fantasy portion of the mashup. Sure there were mysterious items, villainous pursuits, and surprise combat encounters throughout the adventure, but if you’re going to give one of your leads a “curse” in the form of a voice in her head attached to a being with uncontrollable magic, especially after that opening chapter, then I want them to be just as present as their involuntary travel companion. I don’t want them to feel like a plot device who is MIA for most of the journey. Where’s the fun in that? Bring back the strong-willed, sassy voice with frequent, unsolicited interjections! Make this couple a throuple!

One Last Thing: The Opal of the Ocean is the second best lay ever. Ok, this is something you need to have watched Critical Role’s second campaign to understand.

Final Thoughts: As expected as the story arc between Guinevere and Oskar is, as wasted as the potential for the throuple may be — does this count as polyamory or is it just unavoidable voyeurism? — I still found myself just as affected by Guinevere’s Charm Person spamming and Oskar’s rippling muscles heart of gold as all the rest. 

—Bonus Rounds—

A Request: Now give me an alternate version of the audiobook in which Jester (Laura Bailey’s character who was so taken by this book [and her own half-orc companion]) reads this to the rest of the Mighty Nein, including asides and commentary from the whole adventuring party.