With Fast Five following shortly after Scream 4, looks like higher numbered sequels that don’t have the name Harry Potter in the title aren’t necessarily something to dread anymore. It may not be time to start a list of the successes this year quite yet (hopefully once Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides is released), but there is definitely reason to hope.
Fast Five compiles a plethora of characters from the previous entries of the films, bringing back some favorites, as well as some lesser known characters for those who tuned out once the series left the country, creating a team to support Dominic, Brian, and Mia with the ridiculous plot in Rio that involves being chased down by a glorified bounty hunter of sorts to bring them back to the states to pay for their crimes.
Before you write the film off for this plot alone, let’s do a little comparison to help explain it. If this movie were a cinematic vehicular race it would be the pod race from The Phantom Menace. As the other racers pull ahead, leaving young Darth Vader in the dust at the starting line as the technical problems cause him to sputter to a stop, Fast Five is far from promising in the beginning, igniting the fear of the continuous decline of the series. The cars are pretty and go vroom vroom well enough, but this isn’t the Pixar film that lacks actors to direct on camera. After a hiccup during the first bit of car thieving we get a glaring glimpse of the laughable dialog as the men fling their testosterone levels at each other, and as the preposterous story fleshes out we get even more characters who further the question as to whether or not anyone was even trying to create something good with this entry. The villain might as well have a mustache grown out enough to twirl as he collects gold coins from the tin cans of the poor under his feet; and The Rock, I mean Dwayne Johnson, has an entrance that made me seriously question if him being the sole reason for me seeing the movie was a horrible mistake. And don’t even get me started on the women. Sure they are decent enough and not completely unnecessary, but can someone explain why the cop is always giving everyone the stink-eye?
Just as I sank down into my seat, preparing myself for another hour and a half of trying to come up with the perfect steroid joke (seriously, count all of the bald headed, muscularly oversized men roid raging at each other) something happens to bring Anakin back into the race. Okay, no more Star Wars because I’m having trouble remembering anything else about that race to compare to. Important thing is that he overcomes an incredibly weak start to win. There is still plenty to mock in concern to dialog and story because they are still laughable a lot of the time, but somehow it manages to switch from horrible to entertaining as their plan gets underway. Maybe it’s the reintroduction of faces past, or more specifically the humorous personalities they bring to the table; whatever it is, something clicks to move the film from laughable to fun, balancing the preposterous nature of the plot with pure entertainment.
If I were to put a finger on the improvement made it would be the path to the end of the storyline. Taking notes from Oceans 11 and The Italian Job, the movie builds in preparation for a perfectly over-the-top climax, giving itself direction and plenty of opportunities to flash cars to ogle at and great character moments as they go about setting up the final showdown. Whatever it is, Fast Five finds the spark to create something worthy of being a successor to the original film of the series, as well as the perfect opportunity to send it out on a high note.
Final Grade: B-
Middle of the Row 
I can’t believe you, and the majority of critics, are giving this movie so much credit. Outside the action the film is pretty much awful. From the lame heist set up, horrible acting, terrible attempts at humor, and complete lack of the rules of physics, I still feel like I am barely touching the surface with the problems of the film.
The fact that there are two good action scenes inside a two hour runtime does not warrant high praise and accolades. Jackie Chan’s Who Am I has better action, car chases, and fights (almost 3x as many actually) and even a better plot actually and that only gets a B since the action is some of the best ever put on screen. These action scenes, while solid and entertaining, are not the best stuff we have ever seen, and won’t be near the top I surmise by the end of the summer. (Thor’s action is arguably as solid, if not as grand.)
Anyways, I was entertained because the film is laughably bad at times, but even on that level I was bored silly for the middle hour. I have no need to see this ever again even if the action was fun.
Goodness next time I will ask you for the grade I should give something before I post it because clearly we are all supposed to agree about everything. I mean, you do realize I marked it slightly above average, right? I am also assuming that you didn’t actually read what I wrote because I pointed a lot of the downfalls out.
I’m just gonna say this, you and I are coming from completely different viewpoints on this one because I have seen all 5 films and you’ve seen 2 now (or 3, can’t remember). Compared to 2-4 this one is gold, so maybe I was just glad that the series was back to being fun. I said the story was completely preposterous, so if you just enjoy the ride instead of getting stuck in what you deem to be appropriate film wise then maybe you would have liked it. I mean, they were planning on driving mini coopers inside a house in The Italian Job, and then through subways and whatnot. You knock that film for that as well?
And really? You’re gonna compare the action of Thor to this? Maybe if they had a car chase that would be more applicable, but unless you’re counting the number of times Thor gets hit by a van then I’m not seeing the comparison between swinging a hammer around and car chases.
And you know what, I found a lot of it funny. Where as you found Youth in Revolt amazingly hilarious and I thought it sucked. So to each his own.